Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Grow a bitchin' Rat Tail & other things I can't do...

The movie blow is on tv and there's a guy that's bald on top, but has a quasi mullet/rat tail that I'm quite envious of. Just thought I'd share that with you. It would hopefully look as good as this

Maybe when this is all over, I'll grow one (I can see Susan's face now, she's already dreading the fact that I'll have a beard again I'm sure). I realized there are many things that I can & cannot do over these last couple of weeks. As I've shown above, I cannot grow a rat tail, but as in some of my latest blog posts, I can make fun of people I really shouldn't, make inspirational posters related to my chemo tolerance, and live blog while getting pumped full of poison. I can also be cantankerous and generally in a bad mood. (Suz informed today that it had been almost a week straight when I thought it'd just been today that I was pissy.) It's easy to feel sorry for yourself and to always think that no one knows what you are going through. After all, you may be the only one going through "it", at least first hand anyways. This has been tough for me to grasp. I don't want to think that it may be equally as tough for my family or Suz to deal with. That the thought of the tables being turned and me watching a spouse battle cancer doesn't scare the ever living shit out of me. I was talking to my mother-in-law (as always, people want to know what it is like, both mentally & physically) and while I was explaining to her how I was coping with it, I said something that I don't guess I'd ever considered that I was doing. "I have the beauty of denial." and its true. I have the luck of being able to choose not to deal with it, of passing the buck onto another person, or just deciding that I'll be in a pissy mood and not think about anything that day (what I did today).
When you begin to remember that you aren't alone in dealing with and being affected by this disease, it starts to make you feel bad. Here my wife worked all day, my mom put her schedule on hold to take me to chemo, a friend took time to drop me a text or email and check on me, or someone brought me my favorite bbq for dinner. I sat around and moped (I just realized that this word equals moped as in sulked and moped as in small bike with engine and pedals). Perspective is something that you dont always have, but when you get it, its refreshing. Fortunate enough for me, I was able to give myself some today. As for the things I can't do, being pissy has to be one of them. That goes for you too. Things could always be worse...


  1. Hang in there buddy...you are being thought of everyday. More than you know it! We are all behind you! If you want to be pissy...call me and we'll be pissy over the phone.

    Keep up the good fight!

  2. Kev - a very good message for the day: perspective. I really think people, myself included, tend to forget to cherish the things we have... it might not be perfect, nor what we want, but it's what we've got and there's some [although possibly dumb] reason for it all.

    Kris and I got the bracelets, they're very cute, and I'm very glad you've taken a proactive approach. We're thinking super positive thoughts for you. Let me know if you ever need more candy, I love an excuse to go shopping!