Livin' On A Prayer

We're halfway there



I know, technically those lyrics are backwards, but if you're reading this blog and splitting hairs over grammar instead of watching an awesome Bon Jovi video, then I'd consider you a bit ungrateful. The entire purpose of today's post is that I am now HALFWAY through treatment and I felt there was no better way to commemorate that than a Bon Jovi video... Treatments have gone well and honestly, given the state that I've seen some of the other patients in, chemo has not been that bad. I would guess the worst part of it is that I damn near pass out every time they draw blood (which is weekly).

So how did today go? It went great, luckily it was a short day because one of the ladies in the treatment room loves her children and grandchildren. She also oves to tell you about visiting them in Ohio. Did I mention they were from Ohio? You would have thought they lived in the fucking magical kingdom. Anyways, since I had a CT scan directly after the chemo treatment, you guys were robbed of what was likely a great live blog. Don't blame me, blame...well actually don't blame anyone. I'm sure there will be many more chances for things such as that. I'll try to write more this week, but honestly nothing all that humorous has went on, and I feel like 2-3 posts per week about inane ideas or how my day was.

Bracelet Update

Just a quick update on the bracelets. We've sold more than I imagined at this point, and my mom has a few left in Somerset with her, but there are roughly about 75 total left in the first batch. If they all sell, I'll order more, but in the event you want to get yours quickly, make sure to order them ASAP, since they seem to be going fast. Also, thanks to everyone who has ordered them so far. At this point we've already raised close to $500 I think, and should be close to doubling that once we sell the first batch. You guys Rock...One (Lame Bracelet Plug...)

Steroids and Corn Dogs

What were you doing at 10:30am today??? Most of you were probably completing some task at your job or doing your best to stay occupied with things other than your job. Maybe some of you hit up reverse happy hour at Kona Grill (I have no clue how I know its on Wednesday Nights) and never made it to work. Still yet, I doubt any of you were polishing off your 4th corn dog. I was, and that is the beauty of getting a nice dose of steroids every week. Sadly, I had hoped that they would result in a svelte figure complete with 6 pack abs (not really, but the alternative of seeing how many corn dogs I can eat isn't exactly ideal either...) Why just as I'm sitting here writing this, there are at least 4 bread sticks from dinner that I'm considering eating as well as the box of truffles that our friends Jodie and Grant sent today that have managed to make their way to my side. Seriously, I've never experienced an appetite like this. Susan has often been impressed (more likely repulsed) by my ability to inhale food, but we are at extraordinary levels here.
It's just another one of those little things that you have to get used to. I've talked about the cravings and they are still going strong. They make you think about things in a different way, too. We hit up Taco Bell yesterday and as we sat in the drive thru, I saw that you can buy a dozen tacos in one box. I'm sure they market these to people who are feeding entire offices at lunch or maybe for a group of people eating together. I calmly looked at them and thought, "I could fucking take down that entire box." I think I could too, I just don't want the indigestion that goes along with that victory. The nausea (this word has now reached, "Kevin can spell it flawlessly w/out thinking about it" status) is bad enough, I don't need that on top of indigestion as well as the shame of having to ask for enough fire sauce to coat 12 tacos...

Update: I went and got 2 of the bread sticks halfway through writing this. There's a small bit of shame in telling you this, not a lot, not "I ate 12 tacos" level shame, but still a little...

Grow a bitchin' Rat Tail & other things I can't do...

The movie blow is on tv and there's a guy that's bald on top, but has a quasi mullet/rat tail that I'm quite envious of. Just thought I'd share that with you. It would hopefully look as good as this


Maybe when this is all over, I'll grow one (I can see Susan's face now, she's already dreading the fact that I'll have a beard again I'm sure). I realized there are many things that I can & cannot do over these last couple of weeks. As I've shown above, I cannot grow a rat tail, but as in some of my latest blog posts, I can make fun of people I really shouldn't, make inspirational posters related to my chemo tolerance, and live blog while getting pumped full of poison. I can also be cantankerous and generally in a bad mood. (Suz informed today that it had been almost a week straight when I thought it'd just been today that I was pissy.) It's easy to feel sorry for yourself and to always think that no one knows what you are going through. After all, you may be the only one going through "it", at least first hand anyways. This has been tough for me to grasp. I don't want to think that it may be equally as tough for my family or Suz to deal with. That the thought of the tables being turned and me watching a spouse battle cancer doesn't scare the ever living shit out of me. I was talking to my mother-in-law (as always, people want to know what it is like, both mentally & physically) and while I was explaining to her how I was coping with it, I said something that I don't guess I'd ever considered that I was doing. "I have the beauty of denial." and its true. I have the luck of being able to choose not to deal with it, of passing the buck onto another person, or just deciding that I'll be in a pissy mood and not think about anything that day (what I did today).
When you begin to remember that you aren't alone in dealing with and being affected by this disease, it starts to make you feel bad. Here my wife worked all day, my mom put her schedule on hold to take me to chemo, a friend took time to drop me a text or email and check on me, or someone brought me my favorite bbq for dinner. I sat around and moped (I just realized that this word equals moped as in sulked and moped as in small bike with engine and pedals). Perspective is something that you dont always have, but when you get it, its refreshing. Fortunate enough for me, I was able to give myself some today. As for the things I can't do, being pissy has to be one of them. That goes for you too. Things could always be worse...

Here's the poster I made